4 Steps I’d take for Intentional Parenting by Doug Fields

Doug Fields was the Youth Pastor of Saddleback Church in Southern California.  He started a great ministry to get resources to church leaders at  www.simplyyouthministry.com   He’s the Michael Jordan of Youth Ministry.  A while back he wrote this post on intentional parenting.  Thought it was worth  posting it here.  Enjoy!

4 steps I’d take for Intentional Parenting

August 15, 2011

I’ve been following Adam McLane’s blog ever since I’ve been blogging (7 months and 15 days if you’re counting). Adam has great insight in youth ministry, church, family, etc… I’m very impressed with his writing. Anyway…

Over the weekend Adam wrote a post titled, “Daddy, if you love me…” and passed on a great learning that was delivered from his son:

[Adam speaking] “Paul, don’t you want to go to the game? It’s sold out. The Aztecs are awesome this year. And I love sharing this with you.” He got up the courage to tell me the truth. “I really like hanging out with you dad. But we always do things that you love, like sports, and it doesn’t count as a dad date unless it’s something I want to do.” [See his entire post]

Last Friday I wrote a post about how much I like being a dad and yet how fast time goes by when you’re parenting. After reading Adam’s post I thought, “If my kids were still little, this is how I’d try to be more intentional.

Daily: Affection & Attention.

Weekly: One on One time.

Monthly: Special, surprise memory-maker.

Yearly: A fully documented (photos/videos) family vacation.

I clearly wasn’t this intentional, but I also don’t live with much parenting regret. Obviously, I could have done things more intentionally (like above), but I did spend a lot of very intentional time with my kids even though my ministry always required more.

For example, I made it a goal to coach every sport my kids played—until they got into high school (I accomplished that goal except for volleyball). Coaching was filled with great times of driving to practice, getting a Slurpee afterwards, and just a massive amount of time hanging/playing together.

As much as I’ve always wanted to be a great dad, there are some things I wish I would have done different. That’s why I write this, as much as possible, don’t allow that to happen to you.

The great news is that even though my kids are older (22,19,16), I can still create new memories, forge deeper relationships, and be the dad that I was created and called to be.

You too!

Intentional parenting…Parenting without regrets…Focus on your darn family…I don’t care what you call it, just make it happen.

Start today.

Your kids will thank you!

Discontent with life?

Many of struggle with the difficulty of being content and thankful for what God does in our life.  Actually many of us have become experts in the area’s of negativity, the grass is greener over there, and living life never happy.  Check out what David prayed in I Chronicles 17:16.

“Who am I , O Lord God, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?”  

I know you have issues and they are probably serious issues but don’t let that be an excuse to not be thankful.  Don’t ever allow anyone or anything to steal your joy.  Sure there are people that probably have it a lot better than you but there are also a lot of people who’d kill to have your life.  YOU ARE BLESSED!  GOD HAS BLESSED YOU!  And the good news is He isn’t done blessing you yet.  God wants to continue to bless you more than you realize.  Even if it’s a wrestling match take some time today and sincerely thank God.  My hope and prayer is that you don’t go to bed without feeling like you are truly blessed and you have a great life.  Thankfulness drives away negativity and negativity drives away thankfulness.  You have a choice, which adjective do you want to define you?  Thankfulness or negativity?  The choice is yours…

Much Love & Love Much,

Dustin

Baptism Service at reMIX

Last night at reMIX we had a baptism service for those that wanted to step out and make their faith public and get baptized.  27 students ended up getting baptized.  Then we celebrated like it was 1999!

Students worshiping with our reMIX band.

Before…

After!

Awesome!

Pastor Chad baptizing a student, love it!

SWEET!

YEAH!

The 27 students that got baptized!  WAHOO!

The night that changed my life forever

Last night I shared my message to students about my engagement to TJ.  I made the point that we don’t hide what we love.  Meaning if we really love Jesus we should show it publicly and not hide it and call our faith private or personal.  Anyways, I used these pictures to share my engagement night to TJ.  So here you go, here are pictures of the night that changed my life forever.

I showed up at TJ’s house earlier this day and gave her a bunch of presents which included her entire outfit for later that night.  I left her to get her hair done, get ready, and I’d be back to pick her up later that night.

Later that night I picked her up in a limo (thank you Student Loans).

After dinner we headed to a gazebo in college park where my homies (Spanky, Luke Schrimsher, and brother Duane) helped deck it out and hid in the bushes to take pictures.

In the gazebo there was a Christmas Tree with a rose and a card in it.  In the rose was the ring.  And right there in that gazebo in college park I asked TJ to be wife for the next century.

She said, “YES!”

May 4th, 2002 came and we sealed the deal by getting married at Meads Gardens.  Best day of my life!

Welcome baby Autumn Jewel Aagaard

On Sunday, October 23rd at 4:07 pm my brother Duane and his wife Katie had their second child, Autumn Jewel Aagaard wieghing in at 7 lbs and 12 oz.  Riley, Callie Joy, and Darby got a quick peek at their new cousin when we stop by the hospital.  Looking forward to watching another Aagaard grow up.  Welcome Autumn, YOU ROCK!

Darby, Callie Joy, and Riley with baby Autumn Jewel.  They LOVED her, cool stuff!

Uncle Duane with the kids and his newest addition.

“What keeps you going when you want to quit” by Michael Hyatt

Michael Hyatt is the Chairman for Thomas Publishing, a great leader, christian, and blogger. A while back he wrote this post that I feel is really a strong word to helping us to stay in the game. Enjoy!

It happens to me several times a week. I want to quit. Just yesterday, I wanted to quit my run halfway into it. After the first mile, my lazy self asked, “Why can’t we just walk?” For a while, the voice got louder with each step.

Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/pkline

But if it’s not running, it is something else: my marriage, my job, my writing, my blog, or even God. This is just the nature of life. The temptation to quit is a recurring theme.

And if the voices in our heads were not enough trouble, the voices in our culture also urge us to “throw in the towel,” “make a change,” or “take it easy on yourself.”

What these same voices fail to tell you is that there is a distinction between the dream and the work required to obtain it. Everything important requires work. Hard work. And sometimes there is a long arc between the dream and it’s realization. That is where the work and the transformation occur.

In my experience, the thing that keeps me going is answering this question, “Why am I doing this?” I then try to remember the dream. “Why I am doing this hard thing that I am doing.” I try to get connected to the original vision, because that keeps me going when the going gets tough.

For example, when Gail and I have a fight—yes, we do have fights—I ask, “So why should I stay in this marriage?” Instead of pushing that question down like holding a beach ball under the water, I let it surface and embrace it. “What is at stake?”

But notice: I’m not asking “Why should I quit?” because I will get answers to that question too. The mind is tricky that way. It will attempt to answer whatever question you ask it, so you must be very careful with how you frame the question. Instead, I focus on the positive. I am looking for reasons to keep going.

So, why should I stay in this marriage?

1. Because I want love to be the defining characteristic of my life. There is no better better place to learn how to love than marriage.
2. Because I want to be a leader, leading myself first and then my own family. Whatever else this means, it means initiative and sacrifice. That’s what leaders do.
3. Because I really do love this woman with all my heart. All I have to think about is all the incredible moments we have shared together through the years.
4. Because she is the mother of my five children—and a really, really great mom.
5. Because she is my best friend, even though we occasionally get on one another’s last nerve. She is the one person I can count on to be there when I need someone to listen to me.
6. Because we have 31 years invested in this relationship. It is less expensive to invest a little more than start over. We are too far into it to quit. (I would say this if we had been married for 6 months.)
7. Because I really do know her. I have spent a lifetime learning. And yet there is still so much more I want to know. She fascinates me.
8. Because I want to provide an example to my sons-in-law—and anyone else who is watching—of how to love a woman well. People need positive role models, and I want to be that person.
9. Because I want to leave a legacy of love and stability for my children and my grandchildren. The alternative is unthinkable.
10. Because I want my marriage to be an icon of Christ’s love for His Bride, the Church. After all, this is the sacramental nature of marriage (see Ephesians 5:22–33).

I have a written list like this for every important area in my life. If I get stuck and want to quit, I pull out the list and start reading through it. Immediately, it gives me perspective and energizes me. It makes it possible to silence the voices and get my head back into the race.

The truth is that we learn the best lessons when we don’t quit. This is when our character is transformed and good things happen.

Question: Where are you tempted to quit? Why are you going to keep going? What is at stake?

Francis Chan Children’s Book

Since my very first Passion Conference experience I’ve been a BIG fan of Francis Chan.  He’s got an amazing heart for God and the church.  Over the past couple of years he wrote several children’s books that are great reads.  This is a video clip of one of the books with Francis sharing his thoughts about the church in the end of the video.  Great stuff, thankful for men of God like Francis Chan.  Praying for God to continue raising up godly men and woman to stand up for the gospel and His Kingdom!

Being a AAA Parent by Doug Fields

Doug Fields posted this on his blog and I wanted to share it with you.  Doug is the Dwight Howard of Youth Ministry.  Great Pastor, speaker, author, and family man.  Enjoy the post but more importantly, live it out!

Yesterday I was talking to a young dad at church (who used to by in my youth group) and it was fun for me to see how eager he is in wanting to be a good dad.

He asked me, “Besides praying for and with children, what else can I get in the habit of doing for my kids?”

Great question!

There are many things parents can do, but in the interest of a reconnecting hallway conversation, I passed on three intentional actions that I try to with my kids every day. They’re easy to remember, here they are:

1. AFFECTION: Everyone child needs it (actually, everyone needs it) and they want it from their parents. I’m convinced that one of reasons teenagers are so sexually promiscuous (especially girls) is because they lack physical affection for the significant male figure in their life.

My parents were great, but they weren’t overly affectionate. I choose to change the script in how I parent. Now, I pour it on: hugs, kisses, cuddling during TV, holding their hand, etc…

For a short season, during the teenage years, the affection wasn’t always returned but I knew it would when they got older (and I was right).

Every day you can find a way to be affectionate with your child.

 

2. AFFIRMATION: Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on one good compliment.”Unfortunately, many kids go that long without genuine affirmation.

Parents yield so much shaping power with their words. When mom introduces her little daughter Amy as shy, Amy lives up to mom’s words as she hides behind her legs. Amy has heard that description so long, it has become prophetic. Words have the ability to shape a life.

Children don’t often return the encouragement and many parents tire and weaken of speaking good words to their children because they feel like they’re not getting anything in return. It’s not about the parent…it’s about the child.

Imagine your child like an empty piggy bank and each encouragement, affirmation, positive comment, intentional and personal word of kindness is a deposit of a penny. Each negative comment (i.e. “You’re so selfish, mean, nasty, irresponsible, whatever…”) is like withdrawing a quarter.

How rich is the bank of your child?

Be wise and generous with your words and you won’t regret those life-changing words.

 

3. ATTENTION: Simply stated, you’re focused and engaged on what’s happening in their life.

Giving attention is more than popping by their bedroom and waving goodnight, it’s tucking them in. It’s more than asking how their day went, it’s asking and really listening to the answer and then asking more questions. It’s more than making sure they get their homework done, it’s helping them so they feel confident and empowered.

Kids need to feel the perception that they matter to their parents. Even if the parent thinks they’re doing a good job at this, it’s the child who is the judge. Perception is real and important for a child.

Give it a try this week. These actions are easier to remember than they are to put into practice, but I know you can do it.

Parenting isn’t easy. Intentional parenting is even more difficult, but the rewards your child will read thru affection, affirmation, and attention are worth the difficulty it takes to make these habitual.

Question: What do you try to do as a parent every day?

Cool opportunity to help Wycliffe Bible Translators

Hey Guys,

Here is a neat opportunity to help serve Wycliffe Bible Translators. Here is some information that was passed onto me.  I am not able to make it myself but thought this was a cool opportunity for someone to jump on and give them a hand.  Here is a piece of an email I received.

“A Night of Joy” opportunity for Wycliffe Bible Translators.  Disney is allowing Wycliffe to pass out information at the Magic Kingdom’s annual “Night of Joy” September 9-10. This is a unique opportunity for us to get the word out about Bible translation in the Orlando area!  To prepare, we need to stuff fifty thousand bags with materials provided by The Seed Company, so we’re looking for one hundred volunteers for our “Bag It” day on August 27!

Help us “Bag It!” on August 27

• August 27 from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. (or sooner if we finish early!)
•  At the Wycliffe Associate Volunteer Center
•  Bring a bag lunch. Drinks will be provided.
•  We will have a special appreciation and information session over lunch.

We are looking for individuals, youth groups, and small groups to help on August 27. If you know of anyone, please contact us at407-852-5327 or gene_gossman@wycliffeassociates.org, and let us know approximate numbers that can come.

Hope someone out there can help make this happen.  If so give me some feedback, would love to hear how the day goes.

1st day of school

Today was the first day of school and here are my thoughts:

1. Students: I believe God put you at the school and in the class you are in for a reason.  Don’t fight it or fret but allow God to use you this year like never before.  I dare you to pray the pray, “God use me.”  Also know that I love you all and am praying for you.  My prayer is from Luke 2:52, like Jesus, may you “grow in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all people.”
2. Parents: Find ways all here year long to bless and encourage your child’s teacher.  Like it or not your teacher is one of the most influential figures in your child’s life.  Don’t be annoying to them be a blessing.
3. Teachers & Administrators:  We love and appreciate you.  We know you get paid little and get thanked even less.  Thanks for being on the front lines of our kids future.  Thanks for the long hours and going above and beyond.
4. Aagaard’s: my kids are awesome!  I’m so excited for them and what God has in store for them this year.  Here are a couple of pics of them getting ready for their first day of school.  Click on the pictures below to make them bigger.